hell0z(:

didn't blog for 2 days. nothing muchh happened.

i'm feeling super sad today. i might be smiling&laughing, but i'm not happy.

had a sneak preview of my marks in report book. by accident? thats the only thing i'm pleased about.

我越来越不快乐，越来越不懂怎么快乐…

i scolded big f today? hui heard. unhappy about the books bahs. hui's worried, but (x
helped mdm lim do the literature thing today, quite fun?
had a talk on eye care today. not very boring la, but i don't know what it is talking about, my mind's not there.

went home, actually want sleep. lie on the bed&my tears flow out. i don't even think i'm thinking of anything, but flashbacks&more flashbacks? plus those texts.. it hurts. how i wish i'm seeing things wrongly. i'm not going to allow myself to cry, yup. i wish i could stop everything? i wish somemore could tell miee what to do?

rubbish, craps is not anything i want to hear. do anyone know how much it hurts? how i feel? this is not something i'm doing. sometimes when you do not mean anything, others might see it differently? if i could really don't care, if i could really act as if i don't care, how great would that be?

if i could just tell myself: "elaine, you don't give a damn right?", "elaine, you are seeing things?", "elaine, everything's gona be alright?" &"elaine.. ..."

then i would not be sad? how i wish i could just do that. but i know..

i gives a damn to it, much more. i'm not seeing things. everything's gona be alright? i don't know.
its only because i treasure these things, because that's not what i, we mean.. not what we are doing, at least not what we know of? its only because i treasure these. maybe i care too much, maybe the constant "i don't know?" maybe the lack of communication and more maybes.. might be the cause... but the one maybe that do not happen in this case is.. i don't think i did anything to purposely neglect anyone/thing.

i'm very hurt today. i'm very sad today. i'm full of attitude today. i'm not the elaine anyone know-today.
but something for sure is.. i'm still me, nothing's gona change, whatever that happens?

i dislike the me today. so that's how much i'm worth? ya, i know..

dont ask me anything, i dont feel like explaining about anything more than i need to.
i dislike to cry, dislike to be unhappy, dislike to have attitudes, dislike to know the truth to everything.

i'm running away from reality? loser hor? i felt so too. all the dislikes are actually my way of running away from reality? i'm actually sad, unhappy, hurt, & tear don't know for what, showing attitude to my family&knowing some truths. anything but happy. of no importance too.